The faster you fall, the harder you crash.

it's been exactly one year. I can vividly remember that one afternoon you invited me to come over because you were bummed out about your dad. The blue towel was hung to cover your window, just exactly how you liked your room. Dark. haha. We were watching skating vids and you explained to me that all your white friends tried to teach you how to stunt tricks on a skateboard, but it's too difficult for you to, so you just gave up on it and stuck with fixies. You broke your promise and never told me that you had crush on me the whole time. Haha, but I thought it was cute. You headed for a kiss on my cheek, but I turned my face towards yours. I remember feeling excited, scared, and ecstatic all at the same time. Haha the butterflies shitting out of your ass feeling remember? We talked, we laughed, and became something more than I expected. July 2nd, two weeks after, you made me take THE "test" Haha. The first test was to get to your house. And yeah, Ive been there multiple of times, but you were always there to walk me to it. : ( So I got lost and had to ask a mexican lady. "do you know tyler?" Haha she looked at me weirdly and said no. I came across these familiar flowers so I tried opening the door and woo, it was the right house. I went upstairs to wait for you to be done showering. Hahah you came in surprised that I found the right house. After, I don't remember how, but we got mad at eachother for something silly and it was my first time walking out on you. You texted me right away telling me how angry you were. And so I came back, we made up and you gave me my "final" and I passed. Hah. You were my daily and things went smooth.I'm sure I knew that I was beginning to fall hard for you. I'm not sure why, but your feelings started to fade..and it wasn't as strong as it used to be. You were cold as the winter on a summer day. Promises broke, chances were taken away. I remember crying on the way back from San Diego with the Disneyland tickets in my hand. But there was nothing I could do. So I let it be, let you do your own thing.

Feelings remained, but with lost opportunies. Time passed, and chances faded. You didn't call, you didn't text. You never chased me back. So to aviod looking pathetic, I did the same thing. Surprisingly, mid October you asked to be friends. I agreed. I remember when I recieved your text I was at Sandy's, excited as evveeeeeeeeer. Hah. Coincidentally, it was gloomy and cloudy that day. Our favorite kind of weather. And I know it must have stung you that one time when I called you Tyler after you called me Fish.

In November, you asked to hang out. And so we did. I kept my promise and took you to Boiling Crab for your very first time. And it was awkwardishly good... I remember dreading to reach home when we were walking to my house after looking for hot cocoa at McDonalds and finished eating at BC. Haha. Despite everything, I liked being with you. The month passed, and I got you PS3 boxers and the UP movie for Christmas and you got me a Harry Potter movie. Haha what a coincidence that we both got each other movies. It wasn't a surprise.. cause that's what we both shared during summer was watching movies. I remember being quiet and cold to you when presents were exchanged on Christmas Eve. I gave you back all of your belongings, and I told myself that night with the support of Diana and Karen that this was my last time I would talk to you. I opened the bag and there was a card. You wrote " Absense makes the heart grow fonder". I admit, I cried reading it.

We started talking again.. Haha so much for my promise to myself. Feelings were finally exchanged and admitted. Feb 7th, backwards of the original date. Our second chance to get it right.

Tears are dropping on my face now. I never thought we'd be like this. Everything feels wrong. And it's killing me to see how this is going after all this time. You were everything to me, and now I can't find a reason to stay anymore.
You used to be the one that made me happy, but now you won't fight for me, you won't cry for me. When I say I want to leave, I want you to be chasing me back. Learn your mistake from the previous time. But you never do... You sit there and wait for me start to lose hope in you. I've realized that I've always considered your feelings first before mines, but I've never got that in return. But I promise you, I've learned. I'm not going allow myself to receive less anymore.

Hah, you probably won't ever read this. You probably won't care. No one's gonna ever love you like this.

If anything happens, I wanna let you know that I'll remember you, so don't be scared that I won't.